


the one where they don't want kids

by jongdaesang (d10smessi)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Fluff, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 18:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14624303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d10smessi/pseuds/jongdaesang
Summary: first comes love, then comes marriage, then—well, jongin would like to keep it at that. really.(or, scenes from the lives of kim jongin and kim kyungsoo)





	the one where they don't want kids

**Author's Note:**

> bum culture

**zero.**

 

 

“kyungsoo?” jongin asks. it’s a sunday morning and he’s admiring the way the engagement ring glimmers on kyungsoo’s ring finger. “do you want kids in the future?”

 

kyungsoo frowns. “not really? we’ve talked about this before, right?”

 

jongin’s fiancé is a carrier and this thing has come up before, even before they’ve been officially together. kyungsoo’s answer is always no.

 

“oh,” jongin smiles. “me too.”

 

kyungsoo bops jongin’s nose before he plops down beside jongin, spreading himself and taking up as much space as a person of his stature can (not much at all, really). 

 

“good talk,” kyungsoo laughs. “now kiss me.”

 

 

**i.**

 

 

they get married in the middle of autumn, renting a scottish style castle recreated by an eccentric millionaire. it sits on top of a hill and the courtyard is absolutely beautiful. the ceremony is personal, attended only by close friends and family.

 

neither of them are particularly religious so they opt for a western style ceremony. kyungsoo walks down a carpet of autumn flowers in his all white ensemble. he’s in a pair of tailored white trousers and a white button down. instead of a formal coat, he opts for a soft white faux fur jacket. he feels like he is himself, but better, prettier. he feels comfortable in his own skin. he carries a bouquet of baby’s breath cascading with silver ribbons and tucked into his ear is a large white lily, his favorite. 

 

jongin is a little more traditional in his three-piece suit, looking like he has come out of the fairy tale books of kyungsoo’s childhood. there’s a white rose pinned on his breast pocket and the watch that kyungsoo has given him glimmers on his right wrist. the moment kyungsoo steps at the end of the aisle, all eyes are on him. he remembers tugging the sleeves of his fur coat, letting them fall in the middle of his palms. 

 

kyungsoo wants to surprise jongin and jongin wants to be surprised so the older male walks down the aisle and promptly makes jongin cry. he also remembers jongin’s eyes on him and the way his smile makes his eyes crinkle. the moment the violin string is dragged, kyungsoo takes a step, and another. on the fourth one, jongin starts tearing up.

 

the older male waves at his fiancé and jongin waves back, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. sehun, jongin’s best man, hands him a tissue with a nudge. jongin continues tearing up and kyungsoo admits he feels like crying, too. they’ve been together for a long time—known each other for a decade now, in a relationship during half of that.

 

a wedding will not change anything, in the grand scheme of things. but something about it all has them crying, even their guests. 

 

jongdae has it all on video, complete with his own sniffling. (when asked, he’d say it was the sound of him laughing at the couple and not him crying. nope.)

 

they read their vows solemnly and kyungsoo has their 75-person guest list in stitches when he says, “we were neighbors during the first year of uni and some dumbass burned their food in the kitchen. we had to evacuate at 3AM. i saw you and your stupid shirtless torso. you looked cold and i offered my blanket. you accepted and i guess we spent the next four years acting like fools. so yes, we are gathered here today because of one person—oh sehun, thank you for setting your kitchen on fire.”

 

oh sehun, jongin’s best friend and the aforementioned dumbass, has the audacity to stand up and bow down right in the middle of the ceremony. kyungsoo just laughs behind his back while jongin is too busy splitting his face with the force of his grin to really care about sehun. besides, kyungsoo’s right. they are gathered here today because sehun, who was jongin’s roommate that time, almost burnt their kitchen down. 

 

when the official says, “you may now kiss each other,” kyungsoo yelps as jongin swoops, arms wrapped around his small waist, and _lifts._ his husband sweeps him off of his feet, US$8000 fur coat and all, just so he can give kyungsoo a very thorough kiss. the guests are hollering at that point, and the official, attorney park chanyeol—the husband of kyungsoo’s best friend and jongin’s colleague at a top law firm—audibly whistles and jokes, “i said kiss, not attack the poor groom.”

 

kyungsoo remembers his toes dangling as jongin bounces him up. he doesn’t remember jongin’s words, really, but if there is one thing he will never forget, it’s the way jongin looks at him. 

 

he blushes then, he knows because he hides his face on jongin’s neck, whispering, “i can’t believe i made you cry.” jongin’s answer is a laugh that kyungsoo wants to hear for the rest of forever.

 

 

**ii.**

 

 

the reception happens in the ballroom of the rented castle. the place has the temperature regulated so most of the guests shed their outerwear. kyungsoo swaps the fur coat and the button down for an oversized V-neck cashmere sweater that falls off of one shoulder half tucked into a pair of dress pants tailored to fit the curve of his ass. he knows it’s a good choice, because jongin’s eyes glaze over, and he looks like he’s trying to look at four places at once. 

 

jongin sheds the jacket but he keeps the waistcoat tight over his trim waist. kyungsoo, admittedly, licks his lips as he eyes his husband’s (!!!) inverted triangle figure. when they have their first dance, kyungsoo reaches up to wrap his arms around jongin's neck and jongin places his hands around kyungsoo’s waist. they barely move, just light swaying, and kyungsoo spends the entire song telling jongin how lucky he is. jongin spends the entire song thanking kyungsoo.

 

the rest of the celebration goes the same way as celebrations with booze do—fun and a little not safe for work. kyungsoo prepares a song for his husband and jongin cries again, before kissing kyungsoo senseless before he can finish the last word from his performance.

 

jongin decides to give kyungsoo some fun—and the guests too. see, jongin is a dancer and while he no longer does it professionally—being a lawyer now—he still does it enough times to practice and to burn excess energy. kyungsoo is surprised when someone sits him down in the middle, facing the impromptu stage.

 

everyone titters when jongin starts to dance, rolling his hips and thrusting lightly. kyungsoo turns red and as if god and kim jongin is conspiring against him, his husband starts popping the button of his waistcoat one by one before he throws it to kyungsoo’s face. he also unbuttons his white dress shirt but thankfully, he doesn’t take it off. 

 

the highlight of it is the speeches and being the best man, sehun, of course, has to say one. he’s a little tipsy from the expensive champagne and he giggles throughout his speech saying, “i hope you two become very, very happy in the future because if anyone deserves a future together, it’s the both of you.” he bursts out crying before that before he hugs jongin and kyungsoo.

 

baekhyun, kyungsoo’s best friend and man-of-honor, opts for a funny, “and the only thing i pray for at night is kyungsoo’s ass because we’ve all seen how jongin moves his hips in public from his performance and that—that, ladies, gentlemen, and non-conformists, looks dangerous to me.”

 

kyungsoo throws a grape at his best friend right there before baekhyun rushes away in titters to chanyeol, the two of them snickering behind their hands. 

 

overall, kyungsoo and jongin both agree that it is a good way to start the rest of their lives.

 

 

**iii.**

 

 

six months into their marriage and jongin walks into their two-bedroom apartment in the business district of seoul to find kyungsoo in the middle of the living room, looking like he’s about to pop a blood vessel trying to move the couch. 

 

“babe?” he calls out. sometimes, kyungsoo gets like this. his husband is a tiny ball of anxiety, sometimes. and a decade of knowing each other has jongin knowing when kyungsoo wants his comfort and when he needs to give the older male his space. 

 

“jongin," kyungsoo sighs in relief as he looks up. he’s all sweaty and flushed and jongin wonders how long his husband has been trying to move the couch. it’s a heavy piece of furniture, too, and the only lifting kyungsoo regularly does is lifting trays of pastries in the famous bakery he owns downtown. 

 

“a little help?” kyungsoo huffs, trying to push and pull the couch. it budges an inch or so and kyungsoo audibly grumbles, looking adorably irritated.

 

jongin sets his briefcase down and sheds his jacket, padding over to kyungsoo so he can help the other male. he drags the couch to where kyungsoo directs him to and jongin has no idea but the living room looks different.

 

he heads to the dining room with kyungsoo wrapped around him, particularly clingy. it's his husband’s day off too and kyungsoo tends to get antsy when he’s not doing anything. normally, they schedule their days off at the same time but jongin has an emergency meeting so he has to leave a little early, only managing a quickie in their bathroom. 

 

two spoonfuls from kyungsoo’s delicious bean paste stew, jongin raises his eyebrows at how particularly quiet kyungsoo is. usually, his husband will start asking about his day and talking about his, no matter how mundane. they tend to get lost in their conversations with kyungsoo going on and on about a recent obsession. last week, they spent hours looking up weird and creepy internet mysteries and spooking each other.

 

“soo,” jongin says. he takes a sip of water and his eyebrows furrow when kyungsoo visibly jumps. something is obviously wrong. while kyungsoo is jumpy around strangers, this is jongin. “is there something wrong?”

 

jongin, frankly, feels scared. he’s worried about kyungsoo and how his husband is acting. he tries to think of anything he has done wrong. he's sure he has finished the laundry. maybe he has mixed something of color with the whites again? but if that is the case, then kyungsoo would have immediately been on him already, not acting like _this_. 

 

“um…” kyungsoo trails off. _weird_. this must be something big then if kyungsoo, secret gossip monger who’ll tell jongin everything from stories about the cheating wife from the apartment two doors away from theirs to the new dog his bakery part-timer has adopted, is being mum.

 

jongin stops eating and he sets his chopsticks and spoon down. he sighs and—oh. that’s what is weird. their legs aren’t tangled underneath the table. usually, kyungsoo’s short legs would find themselves in between jongin’s.

 

“is this related to why you’re rearranging the house?” jongin asks. 

 

kyungsoo flushes as if caught. _bingo_.

 

the older male nods before muttering something under his breath. jongin does not hear so he says, “sorry?”

 

kyungsoo gulps and he tries to look up but he ends up staring at the wall behind jongin’s head, to the painting he has done from two years ago. 

 

“i want to move out.”

 

wait—what.

 

“ _wait—what._ ”

 

"i mean!” kyungsoo hurriedly explains. “the two of us. i'm not moving out without you, jongin. i just—i don’t know. we’ve lived here for four years now? and i think it’s time we find a new place?”

 

kyungsoo looks hesitant as he bites his lips, “it seems kind of sudden—” he gulps. jongin frowns, his husband tends to be like this even before. especially when he’s asking for something. it’s his reserved nature and they could be fifty and married for two decades and kyungsoo would probably still be the same. he’s a little better now with jongin though and the younger male is eternally proud of kyungsoo for that.

 

“—we don’t have to do it now. it’s going to take long, i know. it’s just that—i don’t know. we've lived in this apartment for so long. i want to, like, look for a new place. invest? in a property, yeah.” kyungsoo fiddles with his fingers, a sure sign of him being nervous. “i know i don’t earn as much as you do but—”

 

jongin, at that, takes that as his cue to stand up and round the dining room table. he grabs kyungsoo’s shoulder and gently turns his husband to the side. he kneels on the floor and lets his hands drag down kyungsoo’s arms before he intertwines their fingers together.

 

“if you want a new house,” jongin says with a smile. “you just have to ask.”

 

“b-but!” kyungsoo protests. jongin tightens his hold on kyungsoo’s hands. “it's going to be expensive and moving will be hard. we have to find a place close to both our workplace too and—”

 

jongin hushes kyungsoo with a light kiss. he doesn’t do it often, only on times when he knows kyungsoo will end up in a nervous ramble. 

 

“it’s fine,” he assures his husband. it really is, though. what kyungsoo wants, kyungsoo gets. "and you said it yourself, it doesn’t have to be _now now_. we have plenty of time, yeah?”

 

kyungsoo beams at that and _fuck_ , jongin will buy him all the houses he wants if kyungsoo continues to smile at him like that—with heart-shaped lips, crescent eyes, and round chubby cheeks.

 

 

**iv.**

 

 

as expected, it doesn’t take overnight. the two of them are busy especially since kyungsoo’s small bakery has received a big order for a celebrity wedding (dubbed "the wedding of the decade” by the media, to which jongin has scoffed because clearly, his and kyungsoo’s are _the_ wedding of the decade) and jongin is caught up trying to negotiate a merger that will leave the company he’s on a retainer with on the winning side.

 

and so, it takes them three more months after the initial talk before they can finally open up the topic of finding a new place again. they've talked about it, sure, and at the very least, they’re on the same side—modern detached house that’s not too big.

 

“it’s hard to clean,” is both their reason. somehow, getting an actual house and not an apartment feels like it suits their simple life the most. 

 

it takes another month before they get in touch with a realtor that sehun, an architect, has recommended. 

 

she’s all smiles when she introduced herself. “i’m park minyoung.”

 

minyoung is kind and she asks sensible questions, guiding them to lists of properties. when they finish, jongin does not feel overwhelmed. kyungsoo drives them back to their apartment and he finds his husband smiling and humming a tune.

 

he knows he makes a good decision.

 

 

**v.**

 

 

the first house is little farther but, as minyoung has mentioned, the spot is accessible with public transportation. it’s nothing taxing on them both. in fact, they have both found out that the area doesn’t have that much of a heavy traffic too.

 

“the house is owned by a small family.” the yard is uncharacteristically big and the house is all clean lines. minyoung leads them inside. kyungsoo cringes when minyoung says there’s no need to remove his shoes. “there’s a master’s bedroom that’s separate from the rest of the house. there are two extra rooms and a nursery.”

 

it is beautiful, jongin notes. there are no second floors and minyoung explains that the owners are worried about their child running up and down the stairs. the house is modern and big and the master’s bedroom is a reflection of opulence and luxury. jongin notes kyungsoo’s slight discomfort when minyoung shows them an extra sitting room adjacent to the master’s.

 

the tour continues to the other bedrooms. minyoung leads them to the nursery and jongin watches when kyungsoo traces the wooden crib lightly. something in his heart clenches when kyungsoo absentmindedly runs his hand through the mobile hanging above the crib, smiles at the cartoon animal decals on the walls.

 

When minyoung leads them outside to walk around the yard a bit, she turns to them both and asks, “what do you think?”

 

“it’s beautiful,” kyungsoo answers. “I feel like it’s too big though. their nursery is cute. and this yard seems perfect for a dog, right, jongin?”

 

jongin nods wordlessly. there’s a small smile playing on kyungsoo’s lips. he doesn’t like this house already.

 

 

**vi.**

 

 

the next house is relatively smaller than the first. its clean lines are not as harsh as the first one. The distance is also a nice compromise in between the law firm and kyungsoo’s bakery. kyungsoo’s relief is palpable when an entryway welcomes them both.

 

“the house is new. it’s a creative experiment by a rookie architect from y _amato designs._ ”

 

“y _amato designs_?” jongin asks.

 

“oh,” minyoung startles a little. “it’s a famous design firm in kyushu but they currently expanded here in seoul.”

 

jongin can see why they’re a famous firm. despite being designed by a rookie and still under construction, the house is magnificent. high ceilings, large windows and hardwood floors create a bright atmosphere.

 

“the house is inspired by industrial western loft apartments but the architect really wants to add traditional elements to the construction. it’s going to be done in a few weeks and you can have creative input over the construction if we manage to close the contract early.”

 

minyoung leads them to the half-finished kitchen. there are no appliances except for the island counter and it’s adjacent breakfast bar. minyoung points out where the dining area and living could go. 

 

“y _amato designs_ can also take care of the furnishings. they handle the purchase and delivery of the products whether you choose to import from abroad or choose within japan or korea.”

 

“that’s nice. i’d like to be able to choose freely. and i do have favorite furniture designers,” jongin says. 

 

kyungsoo stares at him blankly and jongin can read kyungsoo’s mind, _of course you’d have favorite furniture designers_. he smiles wide at his husband and kyungsoo just shakes his head in resignation before grabbing his hand. that’s what months of visiting the home-making side of the internet can do to a person. jongin is subscribed to a design magazine—he’s practically an expert.

 

the house is beautiful and spacious. there’s a full bath on the main floor and another room that they could turn into a guest room—maybe for their friends when they visit. there’s another empty room that minyoung says the architect will leave to the buyer. there’s also a laundry room and the storage room is smaller than what jongin would have liked but it’s not a deal-breaker at all. 

 

kyungsoo seems to also like the house if his gentle humming is to be believed. the sunlight pours from the large windows, casting an ethereal glow on kyungsoo. it paints him in a golden light, filtered and hazy like the early morning when jongin has just woken up and the first thing he sees is his husband. 

 

jongin is liking this house more than the first one already.

 

there are stairs leading straight to the loft—the bannister is a pretty matte black and the stairs match the wood of the floors. the risers are missing to create an open effect. there is a nice space overlooking the main floor but most of it is devoted to the private oasis of a master’s bedroom. it’s not as big as the previous one but the windows make it appear to be. the walk-in-closet is decent-sized too, bigger than the one from their apartment. the master bath is also big and kyungsoo flushes red when jongin whispers to him about what they can do inside the two-person tub.

 

minyoung leads them downstairs again and kyungsoo gasps when the house extends to a wooden deck outside their yard. it’s connected to the sliding glass doors, open to the suburban air. 

 

“wow.” there’s a small wonder in Kyungsoo’s voice. 

 

jongin wraps an arm around his husband, cuddling close. “it’ll be better during the night, yes? we can stargaze and drink tea and maybe you can sing for me, kyungsoo.”

 

kyungsoo’s eyes are bright as he taps the wood experimentally, turning to jongin with a beautiful smile. “or you can dance for me, jongin,” kyungsoo says softly. he eyes the wooden deck and drags the indoor slippers he's wearing over the floor.

 

“or we can dance together,” the younger man suggests.

 

jongin imagines kyungsoo and him swaying under the stars without any music, wonders if he can sign a check and take the house already.

 

“is this the house?” minyoung also seems pleased, he notes.

 

kyungsoo looks at jongin with imploring eyes. chanyeol has warned Jongin before—like a clairvoyant, three years into his and kyungsoo’s relationship, when jongin buys kyungsoo a ring, a year and some months before he has proposed—about the dangers of falling in love with houses but he looks at kyungsoo, thinks about burning their breakfast, and his hand itches for his phone to call his accountant already.

 

kyungsoo looks like he likes this house,” jongin beams. kyungsoo’s sunny smile is all he needs and he laughs lightly at kyungsoo’s enthusiastic nod. kyungsoo seems to have fallen in love with the house, too.

 

“if you’re both sure,” minyoung says as they head out to her car. “i can send you all the necessary documents and we can close the deal in a less than a week.”

 

hours later, when they’re crammed together in the middle of their king-sized bedroom, kyungsoo whispers in jongin’s ear, _“i can’t wait to make it our home_ ,” and jongin promptly feels his heart sing and the only reply he’s able to make is a kiss.

 

 

**vii.**

 

 

they move after a year after their wedding, a month after kyungsoo has flown them to tokyo disneyland (kyungsoo’s second favorite place in the world after jongin’s side). their house is furnished already, thanks to jongin and sehun pouring time into it. kyungsoo is not surprised that jongin is really invested in interior design so he lets his husband fill their house since they share the same taste already.

 

jongin sells their old apartment and most of the furniture. he claims its a “clean slate” for the both of them. kyungsoo knows that jongin just likes the shopping that comes with their future home. he particularly likes the modernity and minimalism of scandinavian interiors. he gets a comfortable navy blue couch for their living room. it comes with one armchair and a day bed too. jongin personally moves the furniture himself once they are delivered. kyungsoo takes that as a win, with his husband sweating and flexing his large muscles while doing domestic tasks.

 

they turn the extra larger room into a guest bedroom and the smaller one is made into jongin’s home office. a small corner of it, the one where the light hits just right, is where jongin sets up kyungsoo’s art supplies. they’re not much but it’s enough if kyungsoo wants to paint. 

 

the kitchen is his to furnish, however, and he turns it into something out of his dreams. the white stools are arranged over the bar and there’s a rectangular wooden table for their dining. jongin imports eames chairs, with sehun’s discount and connections, and kyungsoo just sighs. they have the money and jongin is going all out. with the rate his husband is buying interior design magazines and books, no one is really shocked.

 

they have no idea what to do with the space overlooking the first floor so kyungsoo displays his art pieces and jongin sets up his library. he fixes their music collection on a shelf too and a really expensive phonograph rests on top of a table against the wall. 

 

their most favorite thing to do is picking up the personal photos to display around the house. of course, they wedding photograph is displayed. pictures of their vacations, too, and their family and friends add warmth to the modern house. jongin has never seen any place warmer.

 

the deck is kyungsoo's but instead of filling it up with outside furniture, he lets it remain empty. on the corner, there's a set of outside furnitures but they’re not big enough to take up the entirety of the space. kyungsoo twirls around and shows off his non-existent ballet skills, almost twisting his ankles.

 

the house becomes a home, instantly, because of the two of them and their love.

 

 

**viii.**

 

 

jongin’s in his office when chanyeol enters the room. he looks up and sees the other man waving his wallet in the air.

 

“apparently,” the older man says. “you have no lunch.”

 

kyungsoo wakes up late for an early meeting with a supplier and so, his husband has no time to make jongin his usual packed lunch. jongin frowns at the idea of eating at a restaurant instead of his love's cooking but a day missed won’t really kill him.

 

“let me finish this one,” jongin mumbles as chanyeol takes a seat at the leather couch on one corner of the office.

 

the younger man wraps up his work and when he stands up and buttons his jacket, chanyeol immediately follows. there is a popular american diner two blocks down their building and they walk all the way there. jongin waits for chanyeol to chatter but the taller man is uncharacteristically quiet with a pensive face.

 

“you okay, man?” jongin asks, nudging chanyeol.

 

the older male shrugs and replies, “later, when we’re eating.”

 

they get to the restaurant with ease and they manage to snag the last table during the rush lunch hour. jongin sits down across from chanyeol and orders a glass of freshly squeezed lemonade with a plate of fish and chips. not healthy, he knows, but he figures he'll just burn the grease tomorrow when he hits the gym. 

 

when their food arrives and chanyeol has moaned in appreciation for his cajun-spiced chicken, he says, “baekhyun and i are going to adopt.”

 

jongin pauses and confusedly says, “what?”

 

a big smile suddenly plasters itself on chanyeol’s face. neither of them are carriers so jongin is not particularly surprised at the couple’s decision. it’s just that—somehow, he’s learned to avoid the _baby talk_.

 

“well,” chanyeol grins at him, big and dumb and truly happy. “we’ve applied before, you know? but the adoption process is hard—even harder for same sex couples who both work.” chanyeol rolls his eyes here but he still looks happy. “we only told our parents but we both kept it to everyone else. baekhyun and i didn’t want to jinx it.”

 

_ah_. so that’s why. if kyungsoo knows, jongin is sure he would know about it too. 

 

“and you’re both approved?” jongin asks. he takes a potato wedge and dips it in the sauce, munching on it lightly. 

 

“finally,” chanyeol sighs. “we’re going to meet him this weekend.”

 

“this soon?” jongin inquires.

 

chanyeol nods with enthusiasm. “we’re doing the paperwork.” the older male laughs. “thank god i’m a lawyer.”

 

jongin laughs at that too and chanyeol proceeds to tell jongin that he’s waiting for the permission for his two-week leave. apparently, kids need a period of time for them to adjust to the environment and adopted kids, to know their parents. chanyeol and baekhyun have been spending their weekend with the three-year old boy they adopted. his name is hyun (“like baekhyun!” chanyeol excitedly says.) and the older lawyer gushes about him while showing pictures from his phone.

 

jongin feels extremely happy for chanyeol but distantly, he knows that he doesn’t understand chanyeol’s happiness and excitement. the pit of dread festers in his gut as chanyeol swipes his phone screen to show more photos.

 

 

**ix.**

 

 

jongin gets the official invite to meet hyun a month or so after the kid has gone back to baekhyun and chanyeol’s home. the kid is now attached to his parents so the couple deems it okay for the toddler to meet the other people who’ll be in his life.

 

that weekend, he wakes up with no kyungsoo beside him in his bed. he sits up and rubs his eyes, runs his hand through his hair. he hates waking up without kyungsoo.

 

he goes out of his bedroom and calls out a, “baby?”

 

there’s an instant reply, “in the kitchen!” before kyungsoo to the living area so jongin can see him. the younger male sees his husband looking wide awake in his large sweater with his baby blue penguin apron on (jongin’s is a brown bear one, even if he rarely uses it).

 

“what are you doing so early?” jongin yawns.

 

“we’re visiting hyun today,” kyungsoo says. he sounds excited. “i’m baking him pastries.”

 

jongin frowns. he doubts hyun is allowed to eat that many sweets. kyungsoo’s baked goodies will probably head to chanyeol’s tummy and baekhyun’s thighs anyway.

 

the younger male nods and mumbles a sleepy _okay_ before he goes to their bathroom. he takes a thorough shower, moving slowly through his routine. he spends the entire time thinking about kyungsoo and kyungsoo’s excited face as he bakes pastries for hyun.

 

 

**x.**

 

 

hyun is an energetic kid and he immediately imprints on kyungsoo, thinks kyungsoo is the best damn person in the world. jongin can’t say he disagrees as he watches his husband babble at hyun, feeding the kid with some of the cookies he has brought. baekhyun and chanyeol watch their son toddle around kyungsoo while jongin stays away, smiling at hyun and occasionally playing dead every time the kid turns his little magic wand to his direction.

 

jongin watches kyungsoo more than the kid though. he watches kyungsoo’s smiles and hears his tinkling laughter. his husband sounds like he’s having the time of his life. he wonders if it's the carrier in kyungsoo—jongin knows it’s not unusual for carriers to be attached to kids easier than most people. 

 

he remembers the talk they have had before, some time before they wedding, after jongin has proposed to kyungsoo. maybe kyungsoo feels different now. maybe he wants a child of their own. maybe he wants a child.

 

he thinks that he’s being selfish. he feels like he’s taking something away from his husband.

 

what kyungsoo wants, kyungsoo gets, but jongin is not sure about that this time. 

 

 

**xi.**

 

 

months pass. jongin learns that kyungsoo regularly visits hyun. he picks him up at his kindergarten, too, when baekhyun is held up training next generation idols. somehow, jongin grows—distant is not the word. maybe anxious? maybe one day kyungsoo will go up to him and talk about a having a child. being pregnant. adopting. getting a surrogate.

 

the possibilities are endless and jongin is not ready for any of them.

 

 

**xii.**

 

 

of course, it’s byun baekhyun and park chanyeol (they opt to keep their surnames post marriage) who end up being the fire that figuratively lights up the hay stack.

 

“jongin, please,” baekhyun pleads through the speaker phone. he hears sounds of puttering feet and a shout of _‘hyuk! no!’_ that awfully sounds like a panicked chanyeol.

 

“we have to go visit chanyeol’s mother,” baekhyun says. “kyungie, please?” the male tries again. jongin can see his husband crumble. kyungsoo can’t say no to a pleading baekhyun really. the two best friends are fools for each other. 

 

“you should just bring hyun with you, baek,” kyungsoo says—trying to convince baekhyun. he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself too. jongin knows he has already lost before a battle even begins.

 

kyungsoo looks at him imploringly, as if he _knows_. jongin is not weak to kids but he is weak to his husband.

 

“fine,” he says, resigned. “we’ll babysit for one night.”

 

 

**xiii.**

 

 

the scenario is this: hyun has just recovered from a flu and neither baekhyun nor chanyeol wants to expose him through an awful flight, no matter how short. they’re supposed to be visiting chanyeol’s retired mother in jeju island because it’s her birthday and she can’t fly to seoul after spraining her ankle hiking.

 

yes, chanyeol’s senior citizen mother hikes. she also attends tango classes, and is better at dancing that her own son will ever be, in jongin’s unbiased opinion. the other couple needs someone to babysit their son from friday afternoon until they pick him up at saturday evening. jongin suspects the couple is sneaking in private time for themselves too. but that’s only because that is what _he_ would have done.

 

and so, the byun-park couple drops baby byun-park at kyungsoo and jongin’s home before dinner. they enter with the kid’s stuff and hyun immediately rushes to kyungsoo’s side.

 

jongin wonders what the byun-park couple are thinking, dressing their kid in head-to-toe _supreme_. he shakes his head—you can take the supreme out of the office dress code, but he supposes you really can’t take it out of one’s closet. 

 

“kyungie!!” the kid screams. hyun calls kyungsoo by kyungie mostly because his parents call him by that name. kyungsoo doesn’t seem to mind. his husband acts like he’s best friends with a three-year old.

 

kyungsoo picks the baby up while jongin takes the bag that the couple has packed. chanyeol hands jongin a small iron man bag, hyun’s, that jongin holds by the strap. he grabs the duffel bag containing hyun’s things and the car seat too, moving them to the living area.

 

he turns around and he finds his husband bouncing hyun on his hip. “soo,” he calls out. the older man startles before smiling at him. 

 

“thank you so much for doing this,” chanyeol rushes out. he looks really thankful.

 

“we’re sorry we have to ask this of you,” baekhyun adds. he doesn’t look particularly apologetic.

 

“it’s fine,” jongin shrugs. it’s not like he _hates_ hyun. he’s not a _demon_ , no matter what the young interns say.

 

“ok,” baekhyun sighs with a smile. “hyun can go to the bathroom himself but he needs help taking a bath or else it’s gonna be messy. he can sleep without the lights but he has to sleep with mr. bear.” baekhyun points to the duffel bag. 

 

chanyeol adds, “he’s allergic to—”

 

“baek! yeol!” kyungsoo interrupts with a laugh. “i know about it already. you’ve been texting and reminding me about since the moment we agreed.”

 

“sorry,” chanyeol grins sheepishly.

 

“it’s our first time being away from him,” baekhyun says. 

 

the couple bids their goodbyes and jongin stands at the side, watching the parents interact with their kids. something stirs in his gut but jongin can’t quite place it. it’s not _want_ , no. jongin doesn’t think he will ever _want_ but he feels warm watching baekhyun and chanyeol pepper their son’s face with kisses.

 

he leaves it at that, thinking that it’s better not to think too much about it.

 

 

**xiv.**

 

 

they have a hard time trying to come up with hyun’s sleeping arrangement. he’s too young to stay in the guest bedroom and jongin himself isn’t comfortable leaving a 3-year old at night, alone, at the first floor. he volunteers to sleep on the guest room himself while kyungsoo will stay with the kid in their room.

 

after unpacking hyun’s things and eating dinner (bulgogi and wild rice alongside various side dishes), they spend a little bit of time playing with hyun. the tv is on as jongin watches something from netflix while his husband and the kid are both on the floor of the living room, playing with mr. bear and kyungsoo’s old pig plush toy (creatively named piggy) that he has kept still.

 

come bed time, hyun is not very fussy at all, which surprises jongin pleasantly. he kisses kyungsoo on the landing of the stairs as hyun giggles between them.

 

when they part, kyungsoo looks down at the toddler perched on his hip, cooing, “what are you laughing about, huh? what is it? is kyungie and uncle jongin funny?”

 

hyun giggles some more and he bumps mr. bear’s and piggy’s faces. “kissy! papa and daddy also do that!”

 

it makes jongin smile, for some reason. he kisses kyungsoo again and ruffles hyun's head. 

 

“well," jongin says. "that's love, hyun.”

 

 

**xv.**

 

 

jongin wakes up with a stir at the sound of scuffling.

 

“s-soo?" he asks, groggy, as he feels a body try to fit in front of him. “baby? what are you doing?”

 

his voice is still rough with sleep and jongin turns around, squinting, and sees that it’s two in the morning.

 

“why are you awake, soo?” 

 

kyungsoo whines against his chest and mumbles, “can’t sleep without you, jongin.”

 

jongin’s heart swells ten sizes, maybe it even bursts inside his chest. who knows? 

 

“we can't leave hyun alone up there,” jongin whispers. 

 

“i know,” kyungsoo whimpers. he doesn’t sound like he’s about to move from his position. 

 

jongin yawns as he disentangles himself from kyungsoo’s side. his husband makes a small noise of complaint and jongin hushes him with a peck on the lips. 

 

“i'll go get one of the spare futon,” jongin says. “go upstairs and i’ll bring it up.”

 

kyungsoo looks at him and in the dimness of his room, jongin notices his large eyes, now drooping with sleep. kyungsoo looks a little bit tired too, a testament of how he probably could not sleep. jongin himself admits that his slumber is shallower than usual a while ago—not as peaceful as the nights with kyungsoo spooned against his front. 

 

“yes, baby,” jongin promises. “go upstairs and wait for me.”

 

kyungsoo nods and he drags himself from the bed. jongin gives him a kiss on the forehead and a, “watch your steps going up.”

 

kyungsoo sleepily nods and replies, “you too. and hurry.”

 

jongin takes the futon and the blanket he’s been using and follows kyungsoo upstairs. he finds his husband just sitting on the floor by the bed and jongin laughs lowly, setting the futon and the blanket down. 

 

“soo, come on,” jongin says. 

 

kyungsoo crawls to the floor mattress with his eyes closed and jongin squeezes himself beside his husband. it doesn’t take long before they both fall asleep to the sound of each other’s heartbeats and the warmth of each other’s bodies. 

 

 

**xvi.**

 

 

saturday goes uneventful. hyun wakes up early but a little ushering from kyungsoo and a lullaby has him falling back to sleep again. they sleep and laze around until ten in the morning before kyungsoo says enough is enough.

 

“let’s go out,” jongin’s husband says. “we can get brunch at the mall too.”

 

jongin supposes that kyungsoo is right. they need to get up too. he picks himself up as kyungsoo takes hyun to the bathroom. jongin cleans the bedroom while kyungsoo cleans baby byun-park. it feels weird to have another living person in the house. jongin knows hyun is just a kid but he feels like there is an intruder within their lives.

 

after a bit of wrestling, they manage to bundle hyun and themselves up. jongin volunteers to drive as kyungsoo fastens hyun at the backseat. jongin's car, at the very least, is baby friendly.

 

hyun sings throughout the car ride to the mall and kyungsoo occasionally claps along, singing with the kid too. jongin can’t say he hates it because it’s kyungsoo’s voice. the kid is, like, a back-up singer or some sort.

 

they get to the mall quick enough and kyungsoo reminds hyun to stay with them the entire time. the kid walks between them but he seems to shrink to himself at the amount of people inside the mall. it’s a saturday, so that is expected. 

 

“uncle jongie,” hyun says. “up?”

 

he holds but his arms to jongin’s direction and kyungsoo snickers. 

 

“jongin, lift him up,” his husband teases. jongin is mature enough to admit that he sticks his tongue out to kyungsoo. of course, jongin is not an asshole and he’s not about to break a child’s heart just because he does not want to carry him.

 

he picks hyun up, transferring him to his right arm so his watch won’t dig on hyun's flesh. kyungsoo stands on his left so that he and hyun can talk (read: babble) while they make their way to the restaurant. 

 

a few minutes and hyun suddenly laughs. jongin makes a questioning hum.

 

“ungle jongie, you’re tall!” hyun extends his arms up. “like papa! kyungie is tiny.”

 

jongin stops and kyungsoo freezes, the smile sliding off of his face. jongin shoots his husband a smug smile before he laughs.

 

hyun isn’t that bad, for a kid.

 

 

**xvii.**

 

 

something is bound to happen, though, in a mall full of people.

 

they are eating at a restaurant that serves brunch the entire day. the waiter drops the last order, jongin’s chicken and waffles, as kyungsoo feeds hyun, making airplane noises. 

 

“your family is really beautiful, sir,” the waiter says with a shy smile. jongin completely goes rigid. “your son is very cute.”

 

hyun, it seems, has heard it. “oh no, mr. waiter!” he exclaims. “they’re not my papa and daddy! they’re just taking care of me.”

 

the waiter flusters at that and he bows twice, almost thrice if not for kyungsoo stopping him. he scurries off with a red face and jongin continues eating, stiff, finding the chicken bland and the syrup for his waffles too sweet.

 

 

**xviii.**

 

 

kyungsoo notices him acting weird but he doesn’t say anything. hyun is picked by baekhyun and chanyeol and jongin finds his older colleague with tears, weirdly enough. 

 

when they’re settled on top of the bed during bed time, kyungsoo turns to jongin, asking, “what’s wrong, babe?”

 

jongin shakes his head, “nothing.”

 

it doesn’t sound like nothing. 

 

“doesn’t sound like nothing to me,” kyungsoo replies. jongin, despite himself, can’t help but smile.

 

“tomorrow,” jongin says, steeling himself. “we’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?”

 

kyungsoo nods and he pecks jongin on the lips. “okay. love you, jongin.”

 

jongin presses a kiss on kyungsoo’s temple. “love you too, baby.”

 

 

**xix.**

 

 

early sunday morning has jongin waking up with playful kisses being peppered on his face. he tries to feign sleep and his husband pulls the sheet off of him, before he plops over jongin’s hip with force.

 

jongin gasps as he snaps his eyes open. kyungsoo’s sitting on top of him with an impish smile before he bends down to kiss jongin on the lips. jongin, of course, returns it eagerly. he holds kyungsoo’s waist, tracing the side of his torso with his fingers. 

 

“what time is it?” he asks when kyungsoo stops kissing.

 

“six am,” kyungsoo hums before dipping down again, nipping at jongin’s jaw. jongin cranes his neck to side, letting kyungsoo do the work. his hands find purchase on his husband’s hips and he curls his fingers on the soft flesh. kyungsoo has filled out since their university days. his hips wider and his thighs fuller. his husband is naturally curvy, unlike himself, because of regular pilates and the carrier gene in him. wider hips mean baby-carrying and jongin grimaces at the thought.

 

“what’s wrong?” kyungsoo is practically psychic, at this point, when it comes to jongin.

 

“why so early?” jongin asks, masking the grimace as if it’s a complaint about the time. a lie, he knows, that kyungsoo can read. jongin will never complain about being woken up early for a makeout session or a quickie.

 

kyungsoo raises his head and cocks his eyebrows. “about last night…” he trails off. jongin wiggles and kyungsoo gets the hint. he adjusts himself and jongin sits up, hand holding kyungsoo’s back in case he loses balance.

 

the older man arranges himself so that he’s sitting on jongin’s lap with his legs wrapped around the younger man’s body. jongin’s chin is on top of kyungsoo’s head. the taller male’s fingers are dancing over kyungsoo’s spine as kyungsoo buries his face against jongin’s neck. he can feel kyungsoo taking a deep breath, inhaling jongin’s scent.

 

“kyungsoo,” jongin says. his fingers pause on their journey up and down kyungsoo’s spine.

 

“what is it?”

 

“i feel scared,” jongin admits softly.

 

kyungsoo untucks his head from underneath jongin’s chin. 

 

“of what?” he asks, eyesbrows furrowed and face evidently concerned.

 

“of the future,” jongin sighs. kyungsoo looks confused and he adds, “you seem to love hyun a lot.”

 

kyungsoo’s face turns even more confused before it clears up. understanding settles on his face. “oh,” he says. 

 

“yeah,” jongin replies silently. he looks down at kyungsoo looking up at him and jongin hates how unreadable kyungsoo’s expression is. he figures that since he’s already hammered the last nail on his coffin, might as well dig himself the hole for it.

 

“i’m scared that you’re going to want a kid and i still won’t,” jongin admits. this, too, is scary.

 

something clears up in kyungsoo’s face and he says, “oh!” like it’s a eureka moment. he says it like he’s discovered something.

 

“you don’t want a kid?” kyungsoo asks. 

 

jongin shakes his head. “i don’t think i ever will, to be honest.”

 

he hates how selfish he sounds but jongin can’t help it. he really does not want a kid. he can’t say he’s certain that he’ll answer the same way after twenty years but maybe for the next ten, it’s a no for him. maybe it will always be a no for him.

 

“i—jongin—” kyungsoo gulps. “i don’t want a kid, too. i told you before.”

 

jongin hugs kyungsoo close. “but that’s now. what if in the future you suddenly want a child? what if i still don’t?” jongin pulls kyungsoo closer, tighter. 

 

“i don’t want you to choose between a kid and me, kyungsoo.”

 

jongin loves kyungsoo more than it is possible to articulate. jongin expects he’s going to want to have kids with kyungsoo, really, he remembers all the things people have told him. that he just has to find the right person. that it’s going to become natural once he’s older. 

 

and jongin is definitely with the right person and he’s definitely older but the thing is, he still doesn’t want to.

 

maybe there’s something wrong with him. 

 

he feels kyungsoo grab his face with his small hands. his husband cradles it gently before he leans up, capturing jongin’s lips in a kiss. softly, against the skin on the side of his mouth, kyungsoo kisses his answer to all of jongin’s worries.

 

“that’s too late, now.” jongin feels another soft kiss against the side of his mouth. “i will always choose you, jongin.”

 

 

**xx.**

 

 

“so,” kyungsoo drawls. he’s drawing circles on jongin’s bare chest. “i know we said no to babies but… can we get a dog?”

 

jongin smiles. “i think we can arrange that.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> the both of them learn that they do like kids as long as they can take it back lol. they also do end up getting a dog. kyungsoo buys the little yorkie an entire closet.


End file.
